Rebel Without A Team: Love and Basketball Diaries of a Skinny Kid: The Andrew Parker Story

Tonight I tried out for the Red River College Rebels Men’s Basketball Team.

In some sort of twisted fantasy to test myself against a former version of me, I decided to go to the tryouts at RRC’s Notre Dame campus. Even if they offered me an intensely flattering starting position, I knew I wouldn’t have the time to play college basketball, but I really wanted to give it a try and evaluate my skills.

I haven’t played serious basketball since Grade 12, which (let’s be honest) was quite a while ago. So I was relieved that some abilities stick with you to an extent, although I felt pretty out of place coming in all skinny jeans and no muscles. There was way more people than I expected, so in spite of how I felt I looked, I knew standing out would be hard. Also, did you know that no one wears low-cut 6.0’s as basketball shoes? What a shock! Great shoes, but not a popular basketball model apparently.

See? Not playing basketball.

Did you see the kicks on #11? He's got nothing to prove!

So after the first half hour, things kicked off with straight games. 4 on 4, lots of action and one sub. I relaxed as things got going, and there were good and bad parts to my experience.

The worst was definitely getting my junk hit so hard I felt it necessary to go to the locker room to check for permanent damage (I think I’m fine, those things are resilient). Also, during the first few games, I was feeling pretty uncomfortable. Now I like going out and running a mile as much as the next kid, but I haven’t pushed it like that in a long time. I used to play whole games and hated getting subbed off, but now it looks like those days are behind me. I felt like I was suffering from pulmonary ventilonitis, which is a serious condition I made up at the time, in which your heart explodes into your trachea and murders you. Symptoms include tasting blood and wanting to pass out.

But in spite of that, I had fun. I made some buckets, blocks, and moves I was really proud of, some against guys bigger and stronger than me, and at the end I even wanted to keep going. Oh and the stronger thing? They made teams based on height, and I was the 4^th tallest guy there… so I was matched against some hefty dudes!

In the end, the Rebels and I decided to part ways in the first round of cuts. And by that I mean they said “Hey- you’re not at this level!” and I said “Yeah, good decision.” So it’s not meant to be, and I’m OK with that. I’m happy how things went and how I played. Yes I made some mistakes, but that’s part of this experience. At least I didn’t get dunked on, right? And I stayed conscious the ENTIRE time.

Good luck this season Rebels, there’ll be some nice guys on that team. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go remember better times while I take a bath and drink hot cocoa out of a water bottle.

Grade 12 Provincial Champs! I'm the precocious one on the right.

Jeans Conclusion.. Plus a SURPRISE!

Today I tell you the riveting conclusion to my jeans dilemma, and this week I start wearing something new.

I presented you with a problem last week and asked for your advice (read it here). Thanks so much for the feedback; I really appreciate the comments I received. If the only thing this blog accomplishes is opening up a dialogue about women’s pants, I’ll be happy. But there’s a reason over 6 people read this blog, it’s because they want results! So here they are– what happened after that post?

Within a day several people had read and commented on what they thought I should do, so two days later I went back to Guess, expecting to buy those silver beauties. Unfortunately, they had already been sold. This is a lesson for me and you– if you see something as special as silvery jeans that fit great, you buy them. No questions.

Now understandably I was heartbroken. I felt flushed and dizzy, staring in shocked silence at the young salesman who had just delivered the news. What to do? Should I just walk out empty-handed, with nothing to show for all my effort? I decided no.

So I picked up something else– just as sexy, just as 50% off, and by doing so I finally set foot into a world I had long dreamed of and planned to enter since Conan did: JEGGINGS.

Jeggings are a cross between leggings and jeans, and they are incredible. Softer and snuggly-er than normal skinny jeans, they’re like wearing your most comfortable lounging-around-home pants, if your most comfortable lounging-around-home pants were painted on to your body. I’ve actually had to fight the urge to wear them everyday; their soft fabric makes regular denim feel like burlap, and I love how they show off my gorgeous gams and absence of assets.

Now this process wasn’t easy, I’ve had to overcome adversity. There were several people who were against my choice to wear jeggings, and now I resent those people for holding me back in life. And to those who supported me, you were right. I didn’t let anything stand in my way and with the support of the Guess employees I modeled for, I became a guy who wears jeggings. I mean, how can you argue with this?

SO sexy.

What makes me wonder is this: I’ve already worn these a few times now, to watch UFC, a Superbowl party, to school, and no one has said anything! There is one explanation– my other jeans were so tight that the difference between them and jeggings is unnoticeable. Let’s face it, I’ve pretty much been wearing jeggings this whole time… now it’s official. My name is Andrew Parker, and I wear jeggings.

Check out Conan revealing his love for male jeggings here. It’s a story so big, The Huffington Post covered it!

Also go shopping at Guess and see what other great stuff they’ve got. Click here!

Revealing my secrets with a long-awaited fashion post... I need YOUR help!

Today I’m asking for fashion advice.

Well not so much “fashion”. I realize that a large majority of what I wear isn’t really fashionable in any larger scheme of things, but I like to think that somehow I still look presentable without fitting in. But the advice part is very accurate.

Anyways, I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise by now that yes, I wear women’s clothing. A lot. And if it is a surprise, then you never listen to me when I talk about shopping! Come on guys. Just about all my jeans are women’s, because let’s face it: boys’ just aren’t skinny enough for this little frame. Having trouble with this? Here's some of my jeans to give you a visual breakdown:

Normal boy jeans? Guess again.

Of course these are girls.

Obviously...

Yep, Wet Seal.

Not jeans, but still women's!

Long-term loan right from an actual girl!

Surprisingly, these are actually men's.

Now to the question… I was shopping at Guess the other day and tried on a pair of jeans. They were 50% off but still $70, and I’m wondering if it’s worth it. Obviously I won’t be able to wear these jeans all the time… but I can’t get them out of my head! They fit awesomely and shone like stars in the night sky- doesn’t that sound like something I should be a part of? Here they are!

So, could I pull these off? It might be tricky since this picture is of a shapely model, so here’s an artist’s rendering of what it might look like with me wearing the jeans to give you an idea:

See the difference?

Thanks for your attention, and thanks for your help! Please let me know what you think… do you want to see me in silver jeans? GO!

Andrew’s been published in Esquire.

That’s right, this month I was published in Esquire.

Welcome back! Blow the dust off your keyboard and run your mouse through the light cycle on your washing machine- you finally have a reason to be on the Internet again! Now I know I took an extended break for Christmas, but I’m back for more mandatory blogging fun!

I’d like to start the New Year off with a bang: picking up where I left off last year, bragging about my own tiny accomplishments. This week, my new thing is probably setting a CreComm record by getting published in a giant magazine after only one semester of school. It’s this one, Esquire’s January 2011 issue.

In October, Esquire provided all kinds of rules for men, including this fashion rule that particularly caught my eye: “Rule No. 754: The skinny jeans only if you’re skinny.” Now this is by far the most leeway I’ve ever gotten from Esquire about my favourite pants, so naturally I sprung into action. (And yes, you can still spring anywhere while wearing skinny jeans.) So without further ado, here’s my piece:

I was also overjoyed to be a part of the visual breakdown regarding the subjects people wrote letters about. They usually have one insignificant topic with an equally insignificant percentage, and it’s an honour to be that percentage.

The question now is: have I peaked too young? I’ve heard of students leaving school early because they find great jobs, and I’m just wondering if there’s anywhere else I can go after this. Job offers please!

Although they don’t publish letters to the editor online, I guess you could still check out their site here. After all, it’s a pretty great magazine.