Chinese Christmas Spectacular

One of the questions I always get around last week is "What's Christmas in China like?" so today I'll recap the holidays here. First, there are no holidays.

You're very likely to see fancy, decorated apples for sale in December, because somehow Chinese people are under the impression that Westerners give each other apples for Christmas. Personally, I've never gotten an apple, and I STILL haven't gotten an apple (thanks a lot, students).

For the low price of 4 regular apples!

These overpriced apples reflect the big picture, that basically all that has made it over from the West is Christmas' commercialism. Malls play Christmas music that no one understands and stores sell decorations not many people want, but apart from that the average person has no interest or knowledge about this foreign celebration. It's strange to see decorations put up in such a setting, like I'm in a private joke everyone else is just humouring me with.

Decorations at a nightclub, DJ in the background

Although, sometimes their mysterious displays of our customs can be handy for expats. It's tough to get into the Christmas spirit here, but their Christmas efforts definitely help, like the buffet put on by a hotel here in Fuzhou. Since we work at a foreign school, they're nice enough to give us Christmas Day off, so on Christmas Day we all got dressed up in button-down shirts and ate until those buttons popped off. Turkey, gravy, bread, cheese, sushi, chocolate cake... we all got to eat something we'd been missing to make us feel at home, or perhaps miss home even more. In any case, all the white people saying "Merry Christmas!" to each other helped as well.

Decorations in the lobby. Photo by Andy

Stuffed to the smiles. Photo by Sean

These kind of activities are possible when living in a community of expats, and another one is the classic Secret Santa, which will help make any office feel like a Western office. There's nothing like trying to find that perfect gift for someone, going shopping to find weird Western things for them, then gathering 'round the tree in the library, feeling the excitement of tearing open a box to find exactly what you were hoping for, the one thing on your Christmas list: chocolate!

Let the rationing begin!

Excited like kids on Christmas morning

The final part of Christmas that affects me is also at school. Christmas-themed lessons are popular in schools to teach English topics, and my school is no exception. We had Christmas activity classes a couple weeks before the big day, spending the time making winter crafts and playing Christmasy games. Oh and of course Santa, played by a Chinese woman, came by with treats.

Exciting Christmas brainstorming session

I made a snowman!

So what did we learn? For some people living far away from their friends and family, the holidays can be a difficult time. You may miss home more, and you may even resent where you're at because of it. But it's like I found when I celebrated my first Thanksgiving in China, two years ago. There are plenty of people around, just like you, away from what and who they know and love, but together you can create something. It will be different; it might not match the holiday traditions you're used to, because come on, it's tough to find all the ingredients for Mom's recipe and you can't even make it as well as her anyway, but it will be a celebration with people looking out for each other. Besides, who you teach with becomes like your family, because remember this: you can't choose your family, and you can't pick the nutjobs that travel 6,000 miles to teach Chinese kids how to say 'instruments'.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Scoot Scoot!

Last year I was showing off my beautiful, old, junky bicycle, but nowadays it's big city, big bike for this boy! China is all about moving on up, so here's the next level: a scooter! A Heart Good Time Star Scooter! I don't know if that's the actual model name, but that's what it says on the front!

Possibly some horsepower in there?

Let's talk specs: I don't know any! It runs on a battery, doesn't require a license plate, and transforms into sidewalk mode when the situation calls for it. I charge it overnight under my apartment building every two or three days. It could definitely run for longer, but I'm a man who enjoys a full, stiff battery. Plus you never know what challenges you might face tomorrow; you may need to carry a passenger or go up a hill!

I picked this baby up used from another teacher at my school about a month after moving to Fuzhou, because I quickly realized how popular scooters and e-bikes are in this city. On major streets they usually rival the number of pedestrians, especially when you factor in how many e-bikes are carrying families of three. So far it's been really convenient, both for my daily commute to school and for longer trips to the large Westernized grocery stores. 

Notice the repair job I did using only zip ties

It's a lot of fun to drive! Sure, the traffic here can get a little crazy, but with so many two-wheelers on the road, drivers are a lot more aware of us than they are in Canada. It's chaotic, but there's a different kind of organization within the relaxed rules that lends confidence to drivers. I just have to keep watching out for those street cleaning trucks that just launch water everywhere while blaring "It's A Small World" over loudspeakers. Dive, dive! 

Serious airtime on that kickstand

That's a Pretty Good Wall

This past week I went to the Great Wall of China.

That's me! Photo by Matt B.

Going to the Wall was an absolute MUST on my to-do list in China, and I was ecstatic when I got the opportunity during our spring break. While staying in Beijing, we went on a day tour to visit the Mutianyu site, which is about 2.5 hours away from Beijing by bus. We spent a gorgeously warm, albeit hazy, afternoon hiking on this ancient structure, and I really enjoyed it!

Although on the way Matt and I joked about keeping our expectations low in order to decide for ourselves just how "great" this wall is, it's impossible to belittle this remarkable structure. Incredibly vast, it winds and stretches over and along mountains until it disappears from view. The amount of work it required, not to mention questioning how they even accomplished this tremendous task, is confounding.

As you can see here, some parts along the Wall are extremely steep as a result of the intense elevation changes it covers. I'm not used to doing anything higher than sea level, so this turned into a pretty good workout! I was very impressed by the vigour of both the young and old in conquering the Wall; some people were fully set on making serious progress, and didn't let the heat, elevation, distance, or difficulty stand in their way. Several high schools were touring the Wall while we visited, and by observing them, elderly Chinese people (some even being helped by family members), and everyone in between, it was good to see how important experiencing the Wall is to Chinese people. Another factor is that we were visiting during a national holiday, when thousands of Chinese people travel to the capital to take in their country's historical and commercial sites. 

Forever engraved at Tower 23.

Matt and I climbed to Mutianyu's highest tower, Number 23, where you can see the point at which restoration on the Wall stops and the natural, weathered surface continues. We also skipped lunch to hike further along in order to catch the toboggan ride down instead of a cable car. It was well worth the trip; the toboggan is like a sketchy luge on a water-slide: tons of fun! It was really strange to ride a carnivalesque attraction after getting off one of the ancient wonders of the world, but in China it just feels right.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

"All These People are Dead Now"

Last week we escaped the room.

And here's the squad that did it.

There's an activity here in Jilin that we've done a couple times that's unlike anything I've ever experienced before. "Locked Room," as it's been translated to me, is essentially a place you get trapped inside and have to solve a series of puzzles to escape. In some ways, it's like a giant point-and-click game come to life. There are physical challenges (like throwing balls or grabbing keys), codes based on words, numbers, or characters, and all throughout you constantly need to use your environment to your advantage (like aiming and reflecting laser beams to hit sensors that will unlock a door, or finding a lock combination on a scrap of paper with a UV light).

So far, it's been extremely difficult. The answers often require uncanny creativity, and many times I've been thinking "I never would have thought of that" as we move from room to room. But last week, we did it. The goal is to finish all the puzzles to earn your freedom in under an hour, and we were successful. Full disclosure: a couple of us had already done this room before, but we stayed pretty quiet and quite honestly had forgotten most of the solutions anyways.

To those who escape, the reward is a picture of them on the wall. So now we have the honour of mounted fame, plus we'll be the only foreigners on the wall!

Here's a video from our first attempt at the same room, when we were not as successful...

It's a Lovers' Day Spectacular

Today I experienced Valentine's Day in China.

Over here it's called Lovers' Day, and this year it coincides with the Chinese Lantern Festival, which marks the end of Spring Festival. I'm not saying that China has perfected love, and who knows, perhaps there are a few marriages based solely on class, but I will say that China does V-Day better.

Taken at Century Square

All day long the city has sounded like Pearl Harbour under attack. And I really mean all day... I was woken up at 8 AM this morning by the bangs and pows. It's after 11 PM now, and the booms are still ging strong. Everyone and their only-born child has been lighting fireworks, or the machine gun sounding strings of firecrackers, and it reached a climax this evening. The sidewalks were full of people, the food carts were out, and there were plenty of treats and heart-shaped balloons to buy. Best of all, there is constantly something going on to look at. Everywhere you look, fireworks are exploding. People were also releasing Chinese lanterns, which are basically hot-air balloons made up of a flame and some highly-flammable paper that together float majestically to the heavens. The air was bright and smokey, ringing with explosions echoing through the city.

Be careful there sir!

In this environment, everyone was free to explore and enjoy the sights (and devastating sounds). Groups of friends, families, and couples of all ages were out to set off sparklers and snap, crackle, and pop the evening away. I find that often Valentine's Day can feel forced and fake, but this atmosphere seemed to create genuine happiness. And really, how can you not be happy when you're a nine year old setting off fireworks so loud that all the car alarms nearby start up too?

Happy Chinese Lantern Festival, Lovers' Day, and Valentine's Day. Just have a good day.

The Main Difference Between Chinese and Canadian Snow Removal

Half of Chinese snow removal is just elderly people with shovels.

Making Dumplings

This week we made dumplings at school.

Every once in a while my school puts together an activity or outing to give us experiences with Chinese culture, and probably also to some degree secretly work on team-building, and this week it was making dumplings.

Gene, one of my managers, explains the history of dumplings to some foreigners

We got together at school, and with our team of teachers and staff, assembled over 600 of the little darlings. It just goes to show that great things can be accomplished with an hour and an army of Chinese workers. The Chinese staff was quick to help me out with my beginner dumpling-making status, but I'm afraid I have not mastered this delicate art quite yet. The good news however, was that there was a bevy of people who were WAY better at it to show me the way.

Photo by Noel M.

This was actually not my first time making dumplings, and I didn't see much improvement from the first time. One of the most common criticisms of my dumpling style is that I try to use too much filling. It's a bold move, on a dangerous line, but someone has to walk this soft, thin, floured tightrope and I'm up to the task. The problem is that when I made dumplings before, they all turned out very small... which inspired my Chinese nickname, Xiǎo jiǎo zi ("little dumpling"). So this time I really tried to hone my craft and make some reasonably sized ones. I think 1 in 5 turned out.

Photo by Noel M.

Now although this may not have been my first time making dumplings, it was my first time stuffing myself with more dumplings than I wanted to eat. This time, I wasn't in it for the delicious flavour- I was in it for the cash. You see, someone had secretly slipped coins into a few of the dumplings, and if you bit into a coin, you stood to make win big money! Think of it as a savoury version of Willy Wonka's golden tickets. Every new pan of freshly steamed dumplings brought on an ambush of eager eaters, all wanting to stab that mouthwatering coin.  

Attack!

Unfortunately, no matter how much I gorged myself, I couldn't find any metal in my food, leaving me with only a fantastic meal to soothe the stomach of a loser. I'll survive. 

Some of the money I'll never get- it's a Chinese tradition!

Weddings in Northeast China: A Northeastern Chinese Tradition

This year I went to a Chinese wedding.

Confetti everywhere!

Ok, you caught me- this one happened a couple months ago. But I'm finally posting the video that I made for the bride and groom so you can enjoy it too! Remember that this was for the couple, so I was going for a romantic theme, but I think you can also appreciate all the interesting and unexpected traditions that go along with getting hitched in China. Some of the steps involved in a perfect wedding day are:
- meet at the groom's house at 7:30 AM
- drive to the bride's house in a procession of decorated cars
- the groom had to bang on the his bride's bedroom door and plead to be let inside, and he even had to sing a song to be allowed entry
- the couple fed each other noodles (not an easy task with chopsticks and the fact that noodles all seem 6 feet long in China)
- pour coins on to the bride's dress
- the groom also had to find the bride's shoes which were hidden somewhere in her apartment
- drive back to the groom's house using a different route
- the wedding starts precisely at 10:58 AM

Most of these traditions and protocols are for luck and good fortune, and at the very least the make for a really interesting wedding experience. The biggest thing that I took from this experience is the realization that if I ever get married, there's going to be a bubble machine. Having bubbles pouring everywhere is just beautiful and romantic, and I think every man deserves that on his special day.

Here's the video! 

What is Ti Jian?

Today I reveal Ti Jian to the world.

Lately I've really been getting into this Chinese activity, and the people who play it down at The Bank have been nice enough to let a white beginner into their games. (If you don't know what The Bank is, find out here.) I'm also the only player under the age of 50, but like I said, they're hospitable.

Be sure to watch this sports promo I made in honour of Ti Jian. I narrated it as well, so hopefully you can really get a feel for my excitement. A quick side note on pronunciation: it looks like "tee jee-ann," but the Northeast accent has a habit of adding a pirate-y "ARRRR" sound on to words that end in -ian. So up here they say "tee jearr". I don't know why. But now you can sound real Northeastern.

I'm going to keep practicing my game, and hopefully one day I can be as good as the upper echelon of Ti Jian players: 60 year old women. Those girls can kick it! Enjoy.

Wow That's a Big Mao

Yesterday I saw a statue of Mao that's bigger than the one I usually see.

While on a brief vacation to the city of Shenyang, we stopped by Zhongshan Square (it's on Zhongshan road, you can't miss it) to admire the Mao. I've found that images of Chairman Mao are commonplace in China, and whether in the form of handbags, signs, or giant statues, you'll be seeing a lot of the father of modern China. Hey Dad! What made this statue special is that it was reported to be the largest in China, and according to my extrapolation, the world. After 8 seconds of research, I found out that those reports were wrong.

But still! This was an amazing statue in a beautiful square; Mao was absolutely huge, and surrounded by images of strong Chinese soldiers and workers. It was a really interesting monument to China's history, and its massive size meant you didn't have to squint to appreciate it, which was nice.

Photo by Greg W.

Happy Moon Cake Day!

Today I'm celebrating my first Moon Cake Day.

It's part of the Mid-Autumn Festival, and today it's Chinese tradition to think about the people that you miss. This is extremely fitting for me, as I am away from my hometown, family, and friends. When people eat moon cakes (which have been for sale virtually EVERYWHERE for the past couple weeks) they think about friends and family, and those that they miss.

This tradition, as near as I can tell from what Chinese people have told me, came from the story of an ancient hero, which I will now relay to you in perfect detail. Many years ago, there were 10 suns in the sky, which you have to admit is just too many. Seriously, it was so hot that people were dying and everyone was uncomfortable at the very least. So one guy, who happened to be an amazing archer, got sick of it and shot down nine of the suns. He said, "Come on, 10 suns is just overkill. 1... 1 is OK." <roughly translated>

Obviously people were really happy about this. Finally people's ice cream stopped melting so quickly, their lemonade stopped evaporating, and they could go to the beach without spontaneously combusting. So the archer was named a hero, and everyone wanted to hang out with him. And they did! But while he was off eating (probably free) dinners and having people toast his name and skilled archer hands, his wife was at home feeling neglected. As time went on, she even got depressed.

Then one day, I can't remember how, the hero got his hands on a pill that takes you directly to the moon. Someone gave it to him I think. But he didn't want to go to the moon, so he left it at home. He told his wife that it was poison, presumably so she wouldn't take it accidentally with her other, non-poisonous pills. But unfortunately, he didn't realize how depressed his wife was. It's a shame really; many couples have a hard time communicating, even regarding important matters.

His wife ended up taking the pill, hoping for suicide, but instead was whisked immediately to the moon. Her husband was devastated. After that, whenever he looked at the moon, he would think of his wife and how much he missed her. On the moon, she would make moon cakes and send them to him (which probably explains why moon cakes tend to be quite heavy, because they need to survive space travel).

Moon cake!

So today, in the spirit of that hero, I have been eating moon cakes and looking at the beautiful full moon, and thinking of people at home. The idea is that even though we are far apart, we can still look at the same moon and appreciate its beauty together. I think it's a great story, and a sweet, genuine tradition. I really appreciate it, especially in my current position. Happy Moon Cake Day everyone!

Serving at an International Level

This week I was a Chinese waiter. 

If there's one thing people absolutely love, it's a brand-new waiter that doesn't speak the right language. He can't get you anything, he can't read the menu, and he doesn't know where anything is. It's a good thing no one in China works for tips, because I wouldn't make any. I was actually working in exchange for the restaurant owner's secret recipe miân tao (might not be spelled right), which is basically China's take on mini-doughnuts. 

I'll still need practice. 

It started as a joke. Despite a sizeable language barrier, I've become pretty good friends with the owner of my favourite restaurant. I call him Quing-ge, which as far as I can tell, means some portion of his name, and "older brother" as a sign of respect. So while I was hanging out there, enjoying a plate of miân tao (Wow you are learning so much Chinese!) one evening, he said he could teach me how to cook Chinese food. That sounded great to me, and I mimed being a waiter, saying I could pay him back by becoming an employee. We all had a nice laugh. But then I actually showed up.

We did the cooking lesson as planned; that was great and there will be more to come. But I don't think anyone expected me to actually stick around and do something! I pushed through the early doubts, and in no time fell back into my old serving habits acquired from 3 years' experience in Canada: sitting down at guests' tables, balancing plates, and flirting with the waitresses.

They thought they looked too tiny in the standing up picture. Photo by Andy.

So once everyone figured out that there was really little I could actually do, I just relegated myself to busboy and got busy with quiet tasks like clearing tables and sweeping up. It become abundantly clear that I was incompetent when a guest asked for toothpicks and I couldn't get it. Seriously? When someone says and mimes a toothpicking action and you don't pick up on it, it's time to hang up your apron.

I put in a full shift... in Western terms. I was at the restaurant for over 8 hours, but that doesn't constitute a full Chinese shift. A Chinese shift is approximately the entire day. To illustrate, those aforementioned waitresses were pretty excited to work with me. But I think they were pretty easily excited, because for a month they were living in the back of the restaurant and working from 9 AM to around midnight. And that was how they spent their vacation from university! So sure, if a white guy stumbles up and wants to be a bad waiter, it's fun to look at.

My friend and restaurant regular, Andy. We throw up a lot of peace signs.

That whole shift, I was just hoping I wouldn't hear "FÚ WÙ YUÁN!!" yelled at me. It means 'waiter' and guests just yell it out around here... the easiest pronunciation I can describe for it is "foo," and then saying "You are" really quickly. "Foo Ya'arr!" Please not me please not me not me not me not me....

If I could read the name I'd tell you it.

謝謝, xièxiè!

"In life there are both good and bad people; choose your friends based on the heart."

It can be difficult for some people to function in a foreign country, and it only gets worse if you feel lonely as well. That's why in my experience so far, I've found that nothing is more valuable than my Chinese friends. Time after time I have been absolutely blown away by their generosity and support; they are extremely helpful and I honestly couldn't get by without them. 

Today has me thinking about this because my friends spent hours helping me and some other teachers. They took us to the train station to purchase tickets, to the bank to change our accounts, and helped us book a hotel on a Chinese website. Between the complicated procedures and the language barrier, I know we wouldn't have achieved any of these goals without their help.

I've figured out the ubiquitous nature of Chinese generosity, and it's reached the point where I need to be careful expressing interest in anything. If I admit to liking something, and a Chinese person has one, knows someone who has one, or knows where to get one, there's a good chance it'll be offered to me. And so far, it's been VERY hard to say no to my Chinese friends. This has already led to free cookies, ice cream, taxi rides, dinners, karaoke, beautiful Chinese calligraphy, cooking lessons, and one badass samurai-styled umbrella. 

Believe me, I have been and will continue attempting to politely refuse these offers. But until I figure out how a foreigner gets away with it, how do you boldly sing "I can't live without you" in Chinese? 

Flickering Lights

Last week I went to the River Lantern Festival.

My friend Anastasia and I went to check it out, and the festival makes for a simple and beautiful night. I made a video of it that hopefully captures that vibe. You get to see the poor YouTube quality version! Enjoy.