"All These People are Dead Now"

Last week we escaped the room.

And here's the squad that did it.

There's an activity here in Jilin that we've done a couple times that's unlike anything I've ever experienced before. "Locked Room," as it's been translated to me, is essentially a place you get trapped inside and have to solve a series of puzzles to escape. In some ways, it's like a giant point-and-click game come to life. There are physical challenges (like throwing balls or grabbing keys), codes based on words, numbers, or characters, and all throughout you constantly need to use your environment to your advantage (like aiming and reflecting laser beams to hit sensors that will unlock a door, or finding a lock combination on a scrap of paper with a UV light).

So far, it's been extremely difficult. The answers often require uncanny creativity, and many times I've been thinking "I never would have thought of that" as we move from room to room. But last week, we did it. The goal is to finish all the puzzles to earn your freedom in under an hour, and we were successful. Full disclosure: a couple of us had already done this room before, but we stayed pretty quiet and quite honestly had forgotten most of the solutions anyways.

To those who escape, the reward is a picture of them on the wall. So now we have the honour of mounted fame, plus we'll be the only foreigners on the wall!

Here's a video from our first attempt at the same room, when we were not as successful...

From the Archive- Thailand

Today I'm opening the Archive.

In an effort to catch up on all the footage I have lying around, I hope to (in time) create videos of these little experiences I've had during my time away. It'll really clear up some space in my apartment, and hopefully someone somewhere will find some part of it interesting.

So today, I begin with a video from my trip to Thailand this past February. For some reason, although I was in one of the most beautiful locations I've ever witnessed, I was far too relaxed and usually couldn't be bothered to bring or use my camera. As a result, the video is a very short and admittedly erratic collection of clips. Enjoy.

It's All Just so Terribly Confusing

Today I don't know what to do.

There comes a time in each foreign teacher's life when he must decide what to do next. For me, that time officially began today. I was approached and asked what my plans were regarding my contract, and sadly I had no answer. The decision is between leaving when my contract is up or extending my contract to stay for another summer.

I enjoyed my previous summer in Jilin immensely, and I'm sure I would enjoy the next one as well. The problem is, I don't know how long to stay here in China, and when to start looking for the next opportunity (wherever it might be). 

I've written before on the emotional difficulties of teaching abroad; signing a year long contract means a lot of goodbyes, and unfortunately, I can feel mine getting closer. I don't like that feeling. I'm dreading the moment I'll say goodbye to my students and leave them after what seems like such a short time. I still have so much more English to teach them! At the same time, I know I can't, and won't, stay here forever. My co-workers that I've spent a year with will be leaving soon, and sooner or later I need to join them and make a move. 

So for now it's a lot of thinking and praying. Am I done with China now? I wonder what's next.

Welcome to The Clubhouse

Today I get you a membership.

Obviously, one of the reasons you read this blog is how connected it instantly makes you. The insider tips on living in China, the little lessons in speaking Mandarin, and the coupons I mail my followers each month. Today, I give you the lowdown on one of Jilin's hidden gems. 

It's a barbecue restaurant with a fantastic deal: all you can eat and drink for 35 yuan (about $6 CAD). Now usually we go there after another restaurant because for that price you figure the food can't be great, but we went and had dinner a couple nights ago and I was pleasantly surprised. You can pick as much meat and vegetables and fish and tofu and whatever else as you want, throw it all in your frying pan at the center of each table, and away you go! After that, there's a random and constantly-changing assortment of cookies and snacks that I can't easily identify. 

Coolers full of food to cook, shelves full of snacks, and a make-your-own-sauce bar.

The Clubhouse earned its name for being an extremely relaxed and fun place to spend several hours. It just builds friendships. We've often stayed into the night, and it's an environment where we're free to yell loudly, and sing our favourite songs from Disney's Mulan even more loudly. Not only that, but our frequent visits have led to a friendship with the guy there, which has led to discounts on what's already the cheapest deal ever. He knows us pretty well too; for example he knows that I can be a heavy drinker, so the other night there were 5 bottles of Pepsi waiting for me at the table before I even sat down. The man just gets me. 

Just the clear ones are mine.

Whenever I hear we're going to The Clubhouse, I'm in. I've never not had a good time there, and I'm always down to go sit, eat way too many frosted peanuts, and drink enough Pepsi to keep me up all night. There's the time I got enough free ice cream for everyone by making friends with the next table, that strange moment when a man who clearly didn't speak English inexplicably warned us "DON'T SWIM!" and then disappeared into the night, or the time a Chinese stranger and I stood side by side to pee outside in the winter when the restaurant's one tiny bathroom was occupied. It's always an experience.

But you may be wondering: Is this place legit? How can they just give away food and alcohol like that? Is it actually a money-laundering outfit for the Chinese mafia? 

You ask too many questions. Be quiet and eat some more.

A Chinese Workout: 5 Differences

Well, we are over 2 months into your New Year's Resolution; how's it holding up? In case you're still heading to the gym, here are 5 differences between that gym and a Chinese gym.

1. No Rules

There aren't really any rules at the gym, and the few that exist are pretty relaxed. For example, there's no smoking allowed in the gym, but in the locker room is fine. (Ah... evidently there's nothing like that first completely naked smoke after a workout.) You also aren't supposed to take your shirt off, but it's ok if you're SUPER hot on the treadmills or you want to check out your pec progress in the weight room mirrors. If flexibility is one of your goals, a Chinese gym has you covered.

Re-racking your weights? Not a rule, not a thing.

 2. No Wipe Downs

I see people complaining about others not wiping down their machines at Western gyms, but my gym doesn't even give you the option. There's no disinfectant or paper towels anywhere, and the full-time cleaning staff has their hands full with constantly mopping the floors to keep them forever slippery. We call that Priority Training. As a result, the machines have enough DNA on them to spawn a super-human, and the heart-rate readers will still sense a heartbeat with your hands in the air. 

3. Cheaper than Being at Home

Although a Chinese gym may come with some drawbacks, I just remind myself that being a member is dirt cheap. It cost me $100 CAD for a full year! For a fully-equipped gym that includes classes, that's the cheapest thing I've ever heard. Plus... it comes with a free locker! No more quarters! There is no Chinese quarter!

I had to crop all the nudity out.

4. Alternative Workouts

On any given evening, two of the most popular pieces of equipment will be the ping-pong and pool tables. I had never seen these offered in a gym before, but people here REALLY get into them. (Those stereotypes about amazing Chinese ping-pong players? They're true.) Anyways, these options mean that sometimes you'll see a person come and put on gym clothes to play pool for some reason. 

I'm too scared to challenge these guys.

 5. Gym Fashion

Speaking of gym clothes, the workout outfits might be the most interesting part of the gym. So far I've found that Chinese fashion includes ANY article of clothing, in any circumstance or combination. This remains true after people hit the locker room, meaning that I've seen everything from a denim jacket to matching pajamas. The strangest one I saw happened last week: a guy on a treadmill wearing leather pants, a shirt with a massive Union Jack, and a fedora. He brought a gym bag with him too... so who knows what he changed OUT of.

Everyone loves Thailand

This month I went to Thailand.

Thong Nai Pan Yai

The rumours were true. All winter long I heard about Thailand from the other teachers who had gone during Spring Festival in previous years, a tradition at our school. I heard about gorgeous beaches, fun nightlife, and amazing food (including the best hamburger in Asia). It was all true.

We went for two weeks and apart from one night in Bangkok, spent our time on Koh Phangan. This adorable little island isn't the most popular, developed, or expensive of the bunch, so it offers plenty of beautiful scenery and opportunities to chill out. The island is famous for the Full Moon Parties it hosts, and while we weren't there during a full moon, we were just in time to catch a Black Moon Party. It still offers the same body paint and peeing in the ocean experience, but with no moon. Fantastic night!

Here's my highlights from the trip:
1. Night swimming at Yai beach

Shortly after sunset

When heading into the water after midnight here, I was met with the most incredible surprise: glowing plankton! I found out later it's called phytoplankton (check out some amazing photos). With the stars twinkling above, and the water glowing around us, it was absolutely magical. I also may have been naked; apparently that's the best way to enjoy glowing plankton.

2. Scooting around Koh Phangan
Once you drop off your bag at the hotel, scooting is easily the best way to get around the island. It also happens to be the most fun. It also happens to one of the most dangerous activities Thailand offers (see here). So that's fun! But forget the danger and just focus on how those scooters can really move (over 75 km/h), there's tons of hills to bomb, and renting a scooter happens to be cheaper than taking a taxi in most cases! And yes, the optional helmet comes free with the rental.

Scooter rules: 1) Safety first and 2) show plenty of leg.
Photo by Matt B.

3. Muay Thai
Oh goodness, the muay thai fights. I went to two evenings of fighting and really enjoyed them. We saw plenty of exciting action, and some breathtaking knockouts. Competitors were as young as 12 years old (and were downright ferocious, making it the first time I've ever feared a tiny preteen), to the more seasoned mid-thirties (one with over 300 fights on his record). Hopefully the health care on a Thai island is alright, because some of these guys went to sleep in a BIG way.

They're just kids!

I really only had one problem with Thailand. Known for its natural beauty and carefree atmosphere, Thailand attracts every piece of Euro-trash that happens to set foot inside Asia. If you love house music and are currently wearing a backpack, then chances are you'll wash up on a Thai beach at some point in your life. Come on white people, don't ruin it for the rest of us.

It's a Lovers' Day Spectacular

Today I experienced Valentine's Day in China.

Over here it's called Lovers' Day, and this year it coincides with the Chinese Lantern Festival, which marks the end of Spring Festival. I'm not saying that China has perfected love, and who knows, perhaps there are a few marriages based solely on class, but I will say that China does V-Day better.

Taken at Century Square

All day long the city has sounded like Pearl Harbour under attack. And I really mean all day... I was woken up at 8 AM this morning by the bangs and pows. It's after 11 PM now, and the booms are still ging strong. Everyone and their only-born child has been lighting fireworks, or the machine gun sounding strings of firecrackers, and it reached a climax this evening. The sidewalks were full of people, the food carts were out, and there were plenty of treats and heart-shaped balloons to buy. Best of all, there is constantly something going on to look at. Everywhere you look, fireworks are exploding. People were also releasing Chinese lanterns, which are basically hot-air balloons made up of a flame and some highly-flammable paper that together float majestically to the heavens. The air was bright and smokey, ringing with explosions echoing through the city.

Be careful there sir!

In this environment, everyone was free to explore and enjoy the sights (and devastating sounds). Groups of friends, families, and couples of all ages were out to set off sparklers and snap, crackle, and pop the evening away. I find that often Valentine's Day can feel forced and fake, but this atmosphere seemed to create genuine happiness. And really, how can you not be happy when you're a nine year old setting off fireworks so loud that all the car alarms nearby start up too?

Happy Chinese Lantern Festival, Lovers' Day, and Valentine's Day. Just have a good day.