Making Dumplings

This week we made dumplings at school.

Every once in a while my school puts together an activity or outing to give us experiences with Chinese culture, and probably also to some degree secretly work on team-building, and this week it was making dumplings.

Gene, one of my managers, explains the history of dumplings to some foreigners

We got together at school, and with our team of teachers and staff, assembled over 600 of the little darlings. It just goes to show that great things can be accomplished with an hour and an army of Chinese workers. The Chinese staff was quick to help me out with my beginner dumpling-making status, but I'm afraid I have not mastered this delicate art quite yet. The good news however, was that there was a bevy of people who were WAY better at it to show me the way.

Photo by Noel M.

This was actually not my first time making dumplings, and I didn't see much improvement from the first time. One of the most common criticisms of my dumpling style is that I try to use too much filling. It's a bold move, on a dangerous line, but someone has to walk this soft, thin, floured tightrope and I'm up to the task. The problem is that when I made dumplings before, they all turned out very small... which inspired my Chinese nickname, Xiǎo jiǎo zi ("little dumpling"). So this time I really tried to hone my craft and make some reasonably sized ones. I think 1 in 5 turned out.

Photo by Noel M.

Now although this may not have been my first time making dumplings, it was my first time stuffing myself with more dumplings than I wanted to eat. This time, I wasn't in it for the delicious flavour- I was in it for the cash. You see, someone had secretly slipped coins into a few of the dumplings, and if you bit into a coin, you stood to make win big money! Think of it as a savoury version of Willy Wonka's golden tickets. Every new pan of freshly steamed dumplings brought on an ambush of eager eaters, all wanting to stab that mouthwatering coin.  

Attack!

Unfortunately, no matter how much I gorged myself, I couldn't find any metal in my food, leaving me with only a fantastic meal to soothe the stomach of a loser. I'll survive. 

Some of the money I'll never get- it's a Chinese tradition!

Save your money and just punch yourself in the stomach instead.

Last night I ate a Double Down sandwich.

At $7.83, it was the worst most expensive sandwich I’ve ever had. It didn’t come out looking like the commercials; instead it was dry and mismatched. I felt like the luckiest homeless man ever who had found the best garbage to make a meal out of, but nonetheless it was still garbage.

The only thing accurately portrayed in the commercials is how sick you expect to feel after eating. I knew what I was getting into just by seeing the sandwich before, and sure enough I felt like I needed a fresh fruit intravenous to combat the terrible thing I had just subjected my body to. Although I didn’t feel sick until a couple hours after, I instantly felt less attractive after eating it. Ugh… my self esteem is still trying to bounce back.