"We Didn't Cross the Border, the Border Crossed Us!"

Today I watched Machete.

     Are you like me? Do you need your political commentary to be carefully hidden in a pile of gratuitous violence and hot women? Then you’ll love Machete.

     Surrounded by an A-list cast, Danny Trejo (click links for pictures) as the title character thousand-yard-stares his way around Texas, killing anyone who gets in his way. Seriously, I mean anyone. Like… you look at him wrong and he'll use your intestine like Bruce Willis used that fire-hose in Die Hard. 

     Back to that A-list cast, did you know Lindsay Lohan was still acting? Not only did they nail a perfect role for her, but also cast Steven Seagal as a villain pretending to be Mexican. Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, they’re all here.

     Now I’ll admit, maybe the plot goes a little too far when Machete leads an army of migrant farm workers, dishwashers, and sexy nurses in lowriders that bounce up and down in a violent battle to kill border vigilantes, protest strict border laws, and try to change a Senator’s platform of anti-immigration. It becomes a thinly veiled complaint against America’s fear of illegal Mexican aliens, sure, but it makes for some sweet action.

     Also, did you know that giant sword-wielding killers get girls? Seriously guys… the ladies love it.