Dear Garth, You can hear the Crickets…

Today I watched a cricket match.

       In response to Garth Hilderman’s challenge  to watch an entire cricket game this week, I stepped up to the wicket and swung for greatness by becoming a cricket expert for a day. (UPDATE: check out his challenge and get the backstory here.) Apparently to Garth, if you’re going to steal the credit for one of his cricket stories in the school paper, you have to know something about the sport. … Of all the nerve.

First of all, I’m not a big sports watcher. I like sports, but for the most part I’d rather be playing than watching. Other than the odd Bomber game, the only time I sit down to watch a 3-hour sporting event is for UFC every month.

        So you can imagine my chagrin when I found out that the game I would be watching was 3 hours and 42 minutes (I didn’t even know YouTube hosted videos that big!). But thanks to my blog research on Garth’s Tuesday Tutor section (here), I found out that some games can last days. Garth, thank you for your mercy in assigning me one lasting less than 4 hours.

        Alright, now to the good stuff: my thoughts on cricket as a whole sport, based solely on Garth’s blog and watching one game, the Kings XI Punjab VS the favourites, Mumbai Indians, in the Indian Premier League. I think that’s fair.

Got 3.5 hours to watch a cricket game?

      1. Cricket is detailed.

They don’t really have a lot going on, so they get REALLY in depth. Interviewing the captains after the opening coin toss: “You lost the coin toss, how do you feel about that?” I’m talking line charts of run and hit rates, and bringing hot actresses into the dugout to spice things up.

              2.  The uniforms are ridiculous.

Long time fans of me will know that I’m outspoken against sports that people play wearing pants. Baseball? Lame; there’s just as much standing around as there is playing. Golf? Walking around isn’t a sport. (Oh and if you’re wearing tights to hold your pads on to avoid serious injury, that’s a sport. Keep up the good work, football.) Cricket is no exception as one of these quasi-sports; there’s rarely any desperation or effort for longer than 3 seconds at a time, and it shows in their uniforms. What makes matters worse, all the batters are suited up like they're about to try getting a wild animal out of their attic. 

 

see 
the 
resemblance? 









Wide bats, big helmets, oversized shin guards and gloves- it looks like an outfit they threw together with sports equipment they found in their grandparents’ basement. Side note: the referees wear cowboy hats, which just brings the garage sale feeling to a new high.

      3. It’s actually nothing like baseball.

This is a misconception I had that was quickly proved wrong. The bowler (like a pitcher) runs as much as the batsman (batter) does, and if you hit a ball and don’t feel like it, you don’t have to run at all. This play-it-safe option puts an even weaker spin on baseball. Also, each team only got once chance at bat… and the first team finished their turn 146 points ahead.

      All in all, let’s just say the jump from UFC to cricket was a big step down in the excitement department (no one even got knocked out, even though they’re carrying bats the whole time!). I wouldn’t watch it again, nor would I recommend watching. Oh and just so the hardcore fans know, no it wasn’t because I didn’t understand it. I knew exactly what was going on, and it wasn’t much.

PS. Spoiler Alert: The Kings XI Punjab came back to win it! Although cricket counts down exactly how many runs they need to win, so you could see the comeback coming for 20 minutes. Less exciting. But boy the actress in the dugout was happy!